Teaching an Old Dog New Tricks: Ejaculation Control with a Partner

Remember some men have success with it initially, but some of the gains can be lost. This is not unusual in the world of sex. Seasoned sex therapists often schedule follow-up appointments for any kind of problem every six months to a year after successful treatment. That’s because sexual problems have the tenacity of the cockroach. There can also be a placebo effect with any kind of sexual intervention, which means it works at the start because you believe it will. So don’t be surprised if you need to do squeeze technique refreshers every couple of months. But this should be fun. Seriously, what’s not to like about a partner stroking your penis?

Warning #1: Get a Grip—Stop Apologizing

Some of the most annoying aspects of premature ejaculation that women report are the constant apologies and self-criticism that men express after coming too soon. This whining and bellyaching puts their partners off.

If you decide to work on these exercises together, the man needs to promise that he will no longer apologize or berate himself for coming too soon.

Warning #2: Feel Your Sexual Excitement

Whatever the cause(s) for coming too soon, men with PE often try to slow it down by thinking about something unsexy, which is about as productive as a race-car driver thinking about golf to help with his anxiety when he’s entering a high-speed turn. All of us are occasionally distracted when having sex, but to intentionally think about something besides sex is not a good way to last longer. It could lead to erection problems, so you’ll then have ED and will still come too soon. Let yourself feel totally turned on.

Squeeze-Technique Particulars

You both get naked and kiss and fool around. Then you kiss and fool around some more. At some point, which is totally up to the two of you, the female partner wags her finger in the male’s face and says sternly, “On your back, dude!” Then she starts stroking his penis handjob style. While it’s usually done without lube, there’s nothing that says lube can’t be used. See what works best for the two of you and happily abuse the penis with it.

The man’s job is to tell his partner what he’s feeling in his penis. As soon as he feels like he is reaching the point of no return, he asks her to stop stroking and that’s her cue to start squeezing—right below the head for 10 to 20 seconds. Then, after a minute or so, the man’s urge to paint the ceiling should subside, and she can start stroking his penis again. Repeat three or four times or more if you like. When the two of you decide that Mr. Winky has had a good enough workout, she can stroke him until he blows.

After a few weeks of doing it this way, the woman might experiment with switching techniques. Rather than stopping and squeezing when he tells her he’s about to come, she might try rubbing the head of his penis instead. So she goes from choking his chicken to polishing his helmet.

As for erections, don’t worry about them. What you are interested in is trying to tolerate more sensation.

A variation on the squeeze technique is called the stop-start technique.

Instead of squeezing when the man is close to coming, his partner removes her hand from his penis. It’s totally your call as to which technique you’d prefer to use.

From Squeezing to Intercourse:

When the two of you feel you are getting more control over the situation, the woman might try stimulating the penis with her lips instead of her fingers, or by sitting on top of the man and rubbing his penis with her vulva. This is called femoral intercourse. It is where the shaft of the penis glides through the lips of the vulva like a hot dog in a bun. The penis doesn’t go into the vagina, but glides through the vulva’s lips. The woman can lift her pelvis up when her partner is close to coming.

After another week or two, she might try putting the man’s penis inside of her vagina while she is on top. It’s good to keep it there for several minutes without thrusting too much. This helps the man get used to the warmth and other sensations, and there’s nothing that says she can’t be playing with her clitoris while his penis is inside her vagina. Keep experimenting

The Point of No Return

When doing the squeeze technique, it is helpful to recognize when a man is approaching the Point of No Return. This is when nothing short of stepping on a land mine will keep him from ejaculating.

Signs that ejaculation is eminent include: the veins in his penis start to bulge, his love log gives a sudden throb, the color of the head darkens, his testicles suck up into his groin, his muscles start to tighten, his hips thrust, and he starts to groan like a dying bull or invokes the name of God or Allah.

Appreciate how well you are doing if you can keep him close to the point of no return for several minutes without letting him go over the edge. 

Also, it helps if the couple can cut themselves plenty of slack. There will be times when a guy reaches the point of no return before his partner can squeeze or pause. It’s no big deal. It’s not like this is the first time he’s ever ejaculated with a hand around his penis. Doing the squeeze technique should be fun, and occasionally funny. It’s not a reality-show competition.

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