Male Virgin | How to Be Good at Sex Your First Time - LONG READ

If you’re approaching countdown towards your first experience of sexual intercourse, then fear not—everything you need to know is right here.

Men don’t have many taboos—certainly nowhere nearly as many as women. However, there does seem to be something of a no-talk zone surrounding the conversation of male virginity. Indeed, even admitting to be being a virgin, for most men, is way beyond the realms of acceptability, which is something of a problem, really. 

Women, for whom virginity is a socially acceptable state of being, have access to a whole range of sources of advice, from their friends to thousands of lifestyle magazines to an endless supply of internet resources. For men, however, the exact opposite is true, with any decent advice hidden deep beneath swathes of macho bullshit and mythology.

So you’re thinking about having sex for the very first time. And, maybe you’re not sure how to go about this. And certain things you’ve heard are freaking you out…

Like, you’ve heard that you’re going to get your partner pregnant, that you’re going to get a gnarly-looking STI with itchy hives all over your taint.

Or that you’ll completely embarrass yourself. You’re afraid it’ll be awkward, or that you’ll completely destroy your relationship with the person you have sex with. So, it’s understandable you might be going into losing your virginity with a twinge of nervousness.

That’s why, in this blog article, I’m giving you the essential steps to having amazing sex for the first time, whether it’s your first time EVER, or just your first time with this specific partner. After reading this, you’ll know exactly what to do during sex to show her that you actually know what you’re doing.

And I’m gonna give you two bonus steps that I WISH I KNEW when I did the horizontal tango for the first time.

You will learn that females conceptualize sex differently from men – and how you can take advantage of it....READ MORE

Myths surrounding Sex for the first time

I’m really excited for you. You’re about to discover that sex is a really positive thing, and nothing to be afraid of. It feels good, it can bring you closer to your trusted sex partner, and hey! It’s healthy! It’s not all the doom and gloom you might have heard in health class.

But first, I have a couple of myths I have to bust right now.

MYTH #1: Everyone is doin’ it!

This myth has been going around before your grandparents grandparents grandparents even boned, and I’m telling you, it’s a lie. According to a recent study, less than half of people age 22 and younger have ever had sex. And still, for people ages 23 – 27, still 12 percent have STILL never had sex.

Let me be the first to tell you: no one actually cares if you’re a virgin or not. Literally, nobody cares. Other things matter way more, like are you respectful? Do you care about people? Are you not a giant blowhard? 

Wear your heart on your sleeve.

Tell her you’re a virgin. Most women will actually find that very sweet, as well as commendable, and will be happy to help you through your first time.

MYTH #2: Losing your virginity is something that just spontaneously “happens”.

Losing your virginity is not like being struck by lightning. You don’t trip and fall into someone’s vagina. While SOME people might spontaneously lose their virginity, this is certainly not the rule. Because here’s the thing: taking the “spontaneous willy nilly” approach might make us feel unprepared, vulnerable, and anxious.

The truth is, losing your virginity requires planning. The more prepared you are, the more confident you will feel, and the better the experience will be.

So let’s dive into HOW to be good at sex … even if its the very first time you get laid.

It’s that more and more women long to be sexually dominated. They want alpha males, assertive and strong, taking charge of their nocturnal activities....READ MORE

It’s not everything.

That sounds like a bit of a contradictory point, but it’s absolutely true. Sex is a great part of a relationship, but it certainly doesn’t constitute its whole part. The woman you’re about to have sex with likes you for who you are. She isn’t going to drop you like a ton of bricks if things don’t go according to plan. And if she does, then you’re better off without her.

It’s not about how big it is.

Penis size is a common concern for male virgins, but it really isn’t that important to most women. Even if you are under average, there are plenty of other ways you can compensate.

Talk to your potential sex partner about it beforehand.

Talk about why you’re interested in having sex, why this might be the right time, your intention for having sex with them, and what it means for you. And real quick, get checked for STIs. Even if both of you are virgins, if either of you have fooled around with someone at some point, you could have contracted an STI and not even know it. There is absolutely no shame in this, it happens all the time, just go see your doctor so you know for sure.

No one has to do anything they’re uncomfortable with.

Your partner doesn’t have the right to coerce you into ANYTHING. And vice versa. If you don’t want to do something, say so! Speak up! Keep this in mind too: your partner saying “no” is not an invitation to keep pushing and begging and badgering. This is coercion, and it’s a really shitty thing to do.

And remember — anyone can change their mind at any time. Even if you guys are in the middle of having sex, if you or your partner changes your mind, that is totally fair, you do not have to keep having sex. You can always stop.

Come armed with condoms and contraception.

Just make sure you’re prepared so that everything doesn’t come to a crashing and inconvenient halt.

Pro tip: Practice putting a condom on beforehand. You don’t wanna be that person who fumbles with his junk and accidentally slingshots the condom across the room. Heck, even try masturbating with a condom on so it doesn’t feel so strange the first time you have sex with latex wrapped around your joystick.

You’ve probably already heard that yes, she CAN get knocked up even if both of you are having sex for the first time, so this is not a time to feel lucky or take any chances.

Guys are often guilty of skipping foreplay altogether, instead going straight to sex without worming her up first....READ MORE

Please please PLEASE do not forget about foreplay.

This is going to be true for the rest of your damn life. So listen up. Foreplay is so important when it comes to sex. Girls are told that the first time they have sex will hurt. But it doesn’t have to hurt!! Especially if they’re warmed up first.

So know that she’s going to take longer than you to feel aroused. Consider going down on her, fingering her, kissing her and fondling her breasts, rubbing your hands all over her, kissing her neck, making out… anything to make her feel extra extra turned on, extra horny, will make sex SO much more pleasurable for her and it will mean she won’t experience much pain at all.

Women can’t usually just jump straight into the act without a little warming up first and, as a rule of thumb, foreplay should actually take up more time than the act itself.

Don’t forget the lube when you grab your condoms at the pharmacy!

Once again, we’re trying to avoid pain and increase comfort. If you use lube, sex will be a much smoother, glidier experience. Lube makes it easier for the penis to slide inside the vagina. It’s worth it.

Use your fingers to locate the vaginal opening. Guide the penis inside the vagina.

Look — finding the vaginal opening for the first time can have you feeling a bit like Lewis and Clark. It can be really tricky at first, even for vagina-owners. I know I had a really hard time at first trying to insert a tampon, for example, because for all I knew, my vaginal opening could have been in Narnia.

It offers strategies and techniques to re-train your mind and body in order to have longer-lasting sex, while increasing your partner’s pleasure....READ MORE

Make sure you’re sober.

You’ll remember it, you’ll be better at it, and you’ll have a better time. (oh, and the penis is way more likely to do as its told.)

Performance issues.

Don’t be surprised if you have them. Whether due to overexcitement or nervousness, issues such as impotence and premature ejaculation are normal the first time. But don’t worry, these issues will normally resolve themselves after a few more experiences.

You might last all of two seconds.

Or, you might not be able to get it up at ALL.

Sometimes, your penis is like the singing dancing frog and doesn’t do what you want it to do.

This is perfectly normal, it’s very common, your dick isn’t broken. This happens to a lot of men when they’re nervous. Just pack things up and try again later.

But if you end up trying to have sex a bunch of times, and you either can’t last long enough, or you can’t get it up, you absolutely need to check out this guide. This is everything you need to gain control over your erections, and last exactly as long as you want during sex.

This manual is a plain-and-simple, instructional guide on how to give women orgasms....READ MORE

If it is her first time too know she is not going to orgasm the first time around.

In fact, if she does, I’ll be really damn impressed.

Also look. Orgasm isn’t even the point, okay? While the first time having sex won’t be extremely bloody and painful, it also probably won’t be a minty blast of pleasure, either. She might honestly just feel kind of “meh” about it. And thats fine.

The more you have sex, the more her body will get used to having sex, and the more enjoyable it will feel. Trust me — the first time you have sex does NOT set the tone for the rest of your sex life.

And while we’re talking about orgasms, absolutely do not pressure your partner or yourself to have an orgasm. First of all, this just isn’t realistic. And it just causes pressure and stress that just doesn’t have to be there.

Signs.

The best way to tell how well things are going is to check her response. If she’s just lying there staring at the ceiling, then it’s time to try something else. If she’s panting and groaning with pleasure, however, you’re onto a winner.

Just ask.

Seriously, if you’re not sure what to do, or if you’re not sure if what you’re doing is right or not, then just ask. Women are really responsive to that kind of thing and will be happy to guide you around their bodies.

Know that you or your partner might have an emotional reaction when you’re done with the deed.

You might laugh, you might cry, you might feel depressed, you might need snuggles or space… this is common. So be prepared and open-minded about whatever emotions come. After all, they won’t last forever.

Bonding.

Take a little time afterwards to cuddle up together and have a little talk. You’ll be able to reflect on your first experience together and put some of your doubts and worries behind you. You might also learn a little about how to improve next time.

Do you want to learn how to masturbate to a state of blissful pleasure that is far more lasting and intense than....READ MORE

BONUS #1 — keep it simple. Don’t try to emulate what you see in porn.

Do not try to be a fancy figure skater and wow your partner with your sweet moves. This is not parkour. And this is not the time for saucy horizontal dance moves or tricky sex positions.

Right now, the missionary position is perfect.

Your partner will appreciate that you’re not trying to reinvent the wheel.

But depending on your body type, shape  feel free to try a couple of different sexual positions to see which suit you best, but by all means, don’t overdo it or stress about it.  If you’re enjoying it, then just go with the flow and let your bodies take care of themselves.

BONUS #2 — Find a comfortable spot.

The more comfortable both of you are, the easier and more pleasurable your first time will be, and the more relaxed your nervous systems will be.

If you are a guy and sexually inexperienced, don’t face your initial sexual encounters with uneasiness....READ MORE

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