Women! How to Initiate Sex When You're Too Shy to Ask for It


The shy girl’s guide to asking without asking

Guys initiate sex. Girls just go along with it.

At least, that’s what I thought when I was a teenager. And most of my experiences tracked with that assumption.

Guys put the moves on me. They tried to get in my pants. I never asked anyone if they wanted to fuck, I just went along with it when I was in the mood.

I usually had sex at parties and there’s a natural progression to a drunken party hookup. You flirt awkwardly and make out a little too aggressively. If you’re feeling it, things are going to start getting handsy. Before you know it, you’re looking for an empty room where you can both take your pants off. 

Relationship sex was different, but it wasn’t complicated.  Most of my boyfriends didn’t last long enough to get past the stage where they tried to fuck me the minute we had some privacy.

That worked really well for me. I wanted sex too. Big time. But I didn’t have the nerve to actually ask for it. 

I had a filthy mouth and I was pretty open about sex. I was happy to talk about it in detail. I even bought condoms for my friends because I was the only one who didn’t feel weird about going to the checkout with a few packs.

Initiating sex was completely different, though. 

That’s not telling someone you want to have sex. It’s telling someone you specifically want to have sex with them.

Not just that, but you want it right here, right now.

That’s vulnerable as hell. The thought alone made me blush uncomfortably. 

So, I let the horny guys in my life take the lead.

I still couldn’t bring myself to actually tell my man that I wanted to get fucked. I couldn’t put the moves on him either. But I did manage to figure out a few ways that even a painfully shy girl like me could initiate sex. 

These are the ones that worked best.

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Ask With Your Body

You don’t have to use your words to ask for sex. You can do it with your ass instead.

The easiest way to show him that you are very open to getting fucked is to start grinding him during a cuddle session.

Do it subtly at first, like you are just shifting your hips to get more comfortable. If he reacts by giving your hips a squeeze, running his hand closer to your inner thigh, or pressing himself against you, then take things further. 

Arch your back and push against him so he knows exactly what you want. If he responds to that at all,  start grinding.

At that point, you are pretty much dry humping him with your butt. That’s the brightest green light you can give him. All he has to do is keep escalating until you are doing something a lot more fun than cuddling.

If you’re too shy to ask for sex, send signals with your body instead. Move things along slowly and see if he picks up on it.

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Embrace the Ulterior Motive

If you’re not comfortable asking for sex, ask for something that might lead to it.

Don't be above pretending you are cold so that he presses himself against you and rubs you down. From there, you just have to do the butt grind thing until he has his way with you.

You can start a makeout session that gets steamier as it goes. If you breathe heavily, kiss him eagerly, and wrap your arms around him, it won’t take long before he gets handsy with you. 

Asking for a massage works really well, too.

It’s an excuse for you to get at least half-naked and for him to get his hands all over you. It will relax you and help both of you get in the mood. When you’re ready for more, start spreading your thighs while he’s rubbing them - enough to give him access to your pussy. 

That should encourage him to take the massage to the next level. He can give you a happy ending or it can be foreplay for some really hot and intense sex. Either way, you get exactly what you need without having to ask for it. 

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Use the Horny Scale

The horny scale is something I started using as a joke and then slowly started using very seriously. 

Basically, it’s a simple communication tool that helps you rate your horniness on a scale of one to five. 

You’re at a one when you’re not horny at all. Nothing is gonna get your sex drive off the floor. You’d rather listen to a podcast than get your pussy eaten.

When you’re at a three, you could go either way. You might be down to clown, but you’re not motivated to put any effort into getting there. That’s the number you’re at when you can’t decide if you’d rather have dessert or get some dick (not that anyone should ever have to choose). 

And getting all the way to a five means you have a very strong preference for some action. You’re already half-wet, ready to drop to your knees to give some extremely enthusiastic head, and would very much like to end the evening with an orgasm that blows your socks off.

Putting a number to your arousal simplifies things. Instead of giving each other subtle signs, feeling each other out, or dancing around the subject, you can just say “I’m at a two, so I don’t think anything’s gonna happen tonight” or “clear your schedule, I’m at a four.”

The horny scale can become an inside joke between the two of you. Then you can use it as a playful shorthand. In the end it just becomes part of how you communicate.

Telling him you are down to fuck can feel awkward. But letting him know you are at a four is ridiculously simple. 

It’s perfect for a shy gal. It’s basically a euphemism but it’s also very clear and straightforward. 

Get Things Started Over Text

Texting can feel a bit safer and it lets you be yourself. You can text whatever comes to your mind, even if you might hesitate before saying it out loud.

And don't be above using it to initiate sex.

You could tell him "I could use a pussy massage tonight". 

Or you could keep it real simple and text him to meet you in the bedroom.

Even shy girls can be bold over text. Use it to your advantage.

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Don’t Cockblock Yourself

Initiating sex can actually make a pretty big difference to your sex life. Obviously, it will help you have more sex. But you’ll also have better sex because initiating gives your partner something they need. 

It helps them feel desired. It lets them know you want to fuck them as badly as they want to fuck you. And if they’re at all insecure, never initiating sex will leave them wondering if you’re genuinely attracted to them. 

You’ll avoid a lot of frustration, too.

It sucks knowing that there so many shy girls out there who are missing out on tons of great sex because they can’t bring themselves to give clear signs that they want it. 

That’s especially tragic because shy girls are cute as fuck. And a lot of us are secret dirty girls who could really show someone an amazing time.

So, don’t be another shy girl who isn’t getting nearly as much action as she should be getting. Tell him you're at a four and get the intense fuck you deserve.

Of course if this post has enlightened you in any helpful way, feel free to buy me a cup of coffee below